Messages from a Nut Case

Being a single gal, I utelize all sorts of outlets to meet guys.  Most of them strip your soul bear and leave you wanting to buy a half a dozen cats... this means having profiles on dating sites.  True, none of them have been remotely successful or even satisfactory, but you got to do what you've got to do.  This was a recent guy, that I lovingly refer to as the Nut Case, that contacted me on one of these sites.


Message From: Nut Case 
Oct 23, 2011 – 11:51am
hi there how are you i like ur profile u seem nice n sweet would ulike to chat :):):)
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Message From: Nut Case 
Oct 23, 2011 – 11:53am
btw i absolutely love and adore dogs they are so cute and lovong :)
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From the Peanut Gallery:  Ok, I'm going to be the first to admit it, but I DO judge people who write emails like they're texting and don't know how to use spell check.  It makes me think that they're lazy and dumb.  It's a really big turn off for me.  I'm just being honest.  Put your back into it, would ya?

After reading this guy's profile, I wasn't excited about anything I saw in there - especially the grammar and spelling.  But hey, you just never know.
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Message From: Me
Oct 24, 2011 – 7:03pm
Hi there, 
Thanks for the message! Did you have a nice weekend? Do anything exciting? What kind of special ed kids do you work with? You're a dog lover huh? They're awesome. Have you ever thought of getting a dog? I hope you're having a nice evening. 
GramercyGal
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Message From: Nut Case 
Oct 26, 2011 – 5:23pm
im not on here much heres my # in case u wanna take a chance with me 1-XXX-XXX-XXXX anytime i hope i hear from u real soon:) 
Nut Case:)
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From the peanut gallery:  I'm not a fan of someone who doesn't respond to my initial message and then wants to talk on the phone.  Something about it makes me uneasy - like that he's illiterate.  I'd rather initiate the phone call or at least express that I'd like to talk to you.
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Message From: Nut Case
Oct 29, 2011 – 10:47am
thought i wouldve heard from u by now would love to chat 1-XXX-XXX-XXXX anytime:)
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From the peanut gallery: Yeah, I have a life and I never said I would call him or that I wanted to.  I was still on the fence about calling him anyway.  Hmm... a little needy.
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Message From: Me
Oct 31, 2011 – 7:07pm
Sorry! I've been super busy. I'm just taking a little break from work now. This week's a little nuts for me. I have to work late the next couple of nights and then I have family coming into town on Thursday through the weekend. What days are good to call next week?
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Later that night... about 9 pm

I decided to call him.  I had a little time until I had to go to my staff meeting, and I thought that was more than enough time to say hello or at least leave him a message.  He picked up and was obviously out on the town.  Admittedly, I couldn't find his name in the initial email, but I did apologize once I hesitated and I did eventually find it.   He didn't know who the hell I was either, so I was okay with this.  We laughed it off.

He couldn't talk right then but said he would text me the next day - for what I assumed was to plan a time to talk.  I said that I may have some free time the next evening to talk, but that I had a really busy week ahead of me and not much free time.  That was it.  The end.
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Text From: Nut Case
Nov 1, 2011 7:20 AM
Good mornin GramercyGal:)
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Text From: Me
Nov 1, 2011 8:03 AM
Morning!
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Text From: Nut Case
Nov 1, 2011 8:12 AM
Hi there beautiful.
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From the peanut gallery: Ugh.  Gag.  Really, dude??  You don't even know me.  That's creepy.
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Text From: Nut Case
Nov 1, 2011 5:26 PM
What happened 2u u tex me good mornin n that was it
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From the peanut gallery: It's that thing called work that I go to everyday.  It really cuts in to my texting time.
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Text From: Me
Nov 1, 2011 6:24 PM
Sorry, I'm just not comfortable with us texting to get to know each other. Its not very organic to me. I'd rather talk on the phone. As I said before, I'm more available next week.
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From the peanut gallery: And then this happened...
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Text From: Nut Case
Nov 1, 2011 6:42 PM
Excuse me u call me after a week after i leave u my number when u only have a few min 2talk and now u wnt tex with me cuz its not organic but u cant call me Till next week thats nuts
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Text From: Me
Nov 1, 2011 7:51 PM
Good luck to you.
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Text From: Nut Case
Nov 1, 2011 10:06 PM
Excuse me u call me after a week after i leave u my number when u only have a few min 2talk and now u wnt tex with me cuz its not organic but u cant call me Till next week thats nuts
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From the peanut gallery: Apparently it bared repeating.  Hmm.
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Text From: Nut Case
Nov 1, 2011 10:12 PM
Wow u must have a split personality u have nere u wait a week 2 call me cant even remember my name then can only talk 4 a few min then u wnt tex n say ull call me next week UR A FUCKIN FREAK ASS CRAZY NUT WOW  goodluck 2u
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From the peanut gallery: Wow, clearly this was the one I let get away... what a catch!  At least I didn't have to spend any time with him... or even talk to him.  They seem to be going crazier on me at a rapid rate, which honestly saves me a boat load of time!

New York by Nicole: The Met and Central Park - My Highlights

This is one of my favorite itineraries because it combines two things I love more than anything in NYC - Art and Sunshine.  This is a good itinerary on a nice sunny day and for people who aren't "art" and "museum" lovers.  Yes, I know, you're going to the Met, but the Met has so many more interesting things than just traditional "art."  When people see the Egyptian Temple of Dendur and can walk up to it and touch it... it's amazing for anyone, even if they're not an "art" lover.

The Metropolitan Museum and Central Park - My Highlights

Duration:  Late Morning to late afternoon 

Cost: Affordable (you can do it for under $25, if you're thrifty)

View Met & Central Park in a larger map

Starting Point: Metropolitan Museum of Art
1000 5th Ave at 82nd Street
Cost: Suggested Donation (which for you cheap asses, means almost free) $1 - 25

Temple of Dendur

When I go into the Met, I like to start out in the Egyptian wing (hang a right when you go in).  You can meander through until you reach the Temple of Dendur - great photo opportunity!

American Wing

From there go through the beautiful new American wing and Neoclassical facade of the Branch Bank of the United States, originally located on Wall Street.

Then stroll through the Renaissance and Medieval galleries that show off gorgeous stained glass, religious iconography, and a complete Spanish choir screen from the Valladolid cathedral of 1763.  Eventually you will find yourself in a skylighted room full of European sculptures (check out the brick facade here - its part of the Museum's original 1888 south facade).

New York by Nicole: Immigrant Neighborhoods Food & Walking Tour

Eat your through New York City's historical immigrant neighborhoods!  Have a nosh and wander through some of New York's oldest neighborhoods.

This tour will take you through the Lower East Side, Chinatown, Little Italy, and back full circle to where you started.  Since there is a lot, and I mean a LOT of eating on this tour, it is recommended that you share everything (it's also cheaper that way) so you don't end up in a food coma halfway through.  But it you do it right, you'll thank me later!

NYC Immigrant Neighborhoods Food and Walking Tour
Duration: All day
Cost: Moderate $40 - 50 (includes TONS of food and admission into 2 museums)



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Starting Point A:  Breakfast in the Lower East Side

Start your morning off right with a traditional Jewish nosh.  There are two great options on Houston for a filling breakfast.

Yonah Schimmel's Knishes

137 E Houston St, b/t 2nd Ave and Chrystie St

Cost: $4

This place has been slinging world famous knishes since 1910!  They're piping hot and delicious!

Recommendations... Potato Kinish - you can't go wrong with a classic.

- or -

Russ and Daughters 

179 E. Houston St., b/tEast Houston St and Chrystie St

Cost: $4
This purveyor of smoked fish and specialty foods has been around since 1914 and is a fourth generation owned store.  It's worth the pop in just to see.

Recommendations... Bialey toasted with scallion cream cheese - no one will appreciate your breath as the day goes on, but it's well worth it, so who cares.  I'm not a lox fan, but I've been told they are the best.

Eat your bialey or kinish while you make your way down Orchard Street to the Tenement Museum.

B: Tenement Museum

108 Orchard St., b/t Delancey and Broom

Cost: $15 - 20

This is really a NYC must see!  I can’t believe it took me so many years to come here, but I’ll be back on a regular basis.  Step back in time and into the preserved and partially restored 1863 tenement building at 97 Orchard St., where you can get an idea of how our ancestors lived when they first came to America.  It's an eye opening and extremely touching tour that I highly recommend!  Building tours are limited to 15 people, so you may want to consider buying tickets in advance.  Also, they have an awesome gift shop.

Recommendations... Getting By: Immigrants Weathering Hard Times Tour, it is extremely comprehensive and wonderful.

Next it’s time for a little taste of Chinatown…

C: Vanessa's Dumpling House  

118 Eldridge St, b/t Broome St. and Grand St.

Cost: less than $5

This is my favorite cheap eats in NYC.  Not only is it good, but it’s fresh and made right in front of you.  Watching the Chinese women make the dumplings and scallion pancakes is memorizing and fascinating.  Tip: Bring cash!  They take cards with a $9 minimum, and you could buy the whole place lunch and never hit $9.  It’s soooo cheap.

Recommendations... Get the Peeking Duck Scallion Pancake, it'll change your life.  No really, I'm not kidding.  Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.

After you’ve finished stuffing your face, it’s time to waddle down to the beautiful and historical synagogue on Eldridge.

D: Museum at Eldridge Street 

12 Eldridge St

Cost: $8 - 10

This is a Jewish Synagogue that was built in 1887.  They recently finished a 20 year restoration and it was well worth it.  This place is beautiful, serene and historical.  Another must see.

Recommendations...

• ·         Do one of the free guided tours they offer.  They have them every half hour.
• ·         Mondays are free.

Now it’s time to hit up little Italy and have a little gabagool, as Tony Soprano would say.

E: Alleva Dairy & Di Palo's Fine Foods 

Grand Street, b/t Mott St. and Mulberry St.

Cost: Depends 

These are the two best Italian deli and cheese markets in Little Italy and they’re right next to each other.  You can’t go wrong with anything in these places.  Pop in, grab a little smattering of cheese, cured meats, and maybe a stuffed pepper or two and continue on your way.

F: Rice to Riches

37 Spring St, b/t Mott St. and Mulberry St.

Cost: $4 - 7

This rice pudding bar in NoLita is one of a kind.  They have 20+ types of rice pudding (and you can try them all before you decide).  It’s a great stop for a sweet treat.  The portions are big and the pudding is very rich.

Recommendations... Man Made Mascarpone Rice Pudding with roasted cherries, it’s rich, subtle but not too sweet – it’s to die for and clearly my favorite.

G: St. Patrick's Old Cathedral 

263 Mulberry Street, b/t Prince St. and Houston St.

Cost: Free

If you've watched The Godfather, you've seen the inside St. Patrick's Old Cathedral—this is where the infamous baptism scene was filmed. It’s New York’s first Cathedral Church, built in 1818.  The outside doesn't look like much, but it’s unbelievably stunning on the inside.  There's a maze of mortuary vaults underneath the cathedral, and the outdoor cemetery is the final resting place for notable and historic New Yorkers.

Finish up your tour of Little Italy and NoLita by ending full circle back in the Lower East Side.  Round off your day of eating with an old fashioned pastrami or corned beef sandwich.

H: Katz Deli 

205 E Houston St, b/t Avenue A and Essex St

Cost: $20 

This is hands down my favorite Delicatessen in NYC, and there are a lot of good ones to choose from.  It’s been around since 1888 and has been in numerous movies, most famously where Sally had her “orgasm scene” in When Harry Met Sally.  The food is expensive, but the portions are HUGE!  So you can share and still have leftovers.

Recommendations... The Ruben and a Chocolate Egg Creme - just do it.

Living 80/20

A couple months ago I started grappling with the idea of going vegan or at least vegetarian with no dairy (that's not exactly vegan - sorry vegan peeps).  I didn't eat that much meat on a regular basis so that was going to be easy.  Dairy is a different story, but I had cut out milk a couple months earlier and had switched to almond milk.  Cheese was going to be the hardest to break up with, or so I thought.  

So I started and went all the way in.  It was pretty good, until a few days in I was brought down by spicy crunchy tuna roll craving while out on a date - oh yeah, I ate it all right and I would do it again!  This is when I realized that going a 100% wasn't going to work for me.  So now, I do what I like to call The 80/20.

New York by Nicole: 42nd Street Tour

I love being a tourist in my own city.  New York is unbelievable and I get excited to show people the city I love so much.  I never get tired to going to the same places as they all still hold wonder for me.  However, nothing terrifies me more than when I ask one of someone who is coming to visit me what they want to do while they're in New York and they say "I don't know.  Whatever you think is good."  Or even worse, they have an unrealistic idea of where everything is and how to get there - Empire State Building, World Trade Center Memorial, and the Gugenheim are not going to happen in the same day. 

It can be overwhelming for non-New Yorkers to make a feasible itinerary for when they come to visit.  I started having my friends make a list of the top 5 things they want to see while their here and then I built itineraries around them.  Over the years, I have perfected these itineraries into optimum sightseeing machines!  And now, I will share my New York Tourist wisdom with you...  Welcome to my new series, New York by Nicole!     
42nd Street Walking Tour 

Duration:  Early Afternoon into evening 
Cost: El Cheapo! (includes lunch and dinner)

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Starting Point A: Grand Central Station 

42nd Street at Lexington Ave

Cost: Free

Grand Central is not only the world's largest (76 acres) and the nation's busiest (nearly 700,000 commuters and subway riders use it daily) railway station, but also one of the world's most magnificent, majestic public spaces.  Every time I walk through Grand Central I get this warm amazing feeling of New York Pride.  I never get tired of wandering through it and noticing little details that I never noticed before.

Recommendations...

Self Guided Walking Tour:  this is great printable walking tour of Grand Central that is full of facts and history.  You won't miss anything!

Vanderbilt Hall Exhibits: If you check out the event calendar, usually there is an art installation in Vanderbilt Hall that is always spectacular.  During the holidays they have a nice bazaar there.

A tentative plan is still a plan. Communicate people!

I have been struggling with friends and men that I've been dating with the concept of a "tentative plan."  Yes, tentative plans are not solid plans, but they are STILL plans.  So when someone says to you, "Yeah, let's do something this weekend," or "I'd love to do that, I'll let you know." Why is it acceptable for them to NOT tell you?  Just because they didn't say, "yes, I'll be there a 100%?"  No, you're reserving that time, RSVP mother fucker!

A couple of years ago, a very passive aggressive fight started between me and one of my best friends over a concert in Central Park.  He said he wanted to go and would let me know.  The day of, I still hadn't heard from him.  I called and let him know that I didn't appreciate him blowing me off.  His argument was that he hadn't said that he was definitely coming.  Mine was that he partially committed to it, and was going to let me know and didn't, and that I'm not a fucking mind reader.  Make a phone call, please.