While waiting for a Weight Watcher's meeting to begin, a kind, middle-aged woman next to me struck up a conversation. "Is today your first day?" she asked with a nervous smile.
"Yes and no," I answered. "This is my first day, but not my first time," I said with a wink.
She just laughed and began to commiserate with me. She told me how hard it was for her to do this again and the struggle she's been through. This was her third time starting Weight Watchers. I listened and understood completely, being a serial dieter myself. But then she told me of her other struggles. Struggles that had prevented her from committing to her weight loss for one reason or another. Her son had a stroke, then her father took ill, shortly after her daughter-in-law broke her leg and needed constant assistance. It was like a page out of a Greek tragedy. And then she smiled, and said, "But everyone's better now, and here I am trying to get back on track." Wow, I thought, what a trooper.
During the meeting, another woman got teary as she spoke about her failures with weight loss and successes in weight gain. She told tales of divorce, children moving away, and the "What do I do with my life now?" syndrome. It was sad and I felt compelled to take her hand and tell her it was going to be OK. And then there were more, and more, and more sad stories; some told through laughter and some told through tears. I looked around me, and realized that none of these people were here because they were "fat and happy."
I began to think about why I was here... why I'm always here. My weight gain seemed to sneak up on me, but then again, it didn't. I let my mind wander through the rough patches of my life the past 4 years and how every pound I gained was tied to about 10 emotions I was having at that time. They were bigger than rough patches, they were sink holes! And through all that time I couldn't help but think of all the personally difficult things that I had to do. Leaving jobs, relationships, friendships, family, homes, and the list goes on... these were not things that I breezed through lightly. Some of these changes were welcomed, but most of them were not and they tore apart my heart.
I looked around the room at all these people who had been through so much; trials and tribulations that had changed their lives... some for the better and some for the worse. They had done things in their life that they regretted, things they didn't want to but had to, watched loved ones suffer, and suffered themselves. And now they had to deal with the leftovers of how they dealt with all that pain; their weight. Just like me.
The woman who I had originally been talking to in the meeting turned to me as I got up to leave after the meeting had commenced. "Whew, that was a doozie of a meeting. I guess we've all gone through it this year," she said commenting on the sad tales we had heard.
I smiled and took a deep breath and then I said something that truly surprised me, "Yeah, I know. But you know what? Of all the hard things I've had to go through... I think this is going to be the easiest." She gave me an odd look. "I mean, think about it. Think about all the horrible things you've gone through in your life and watched people go through. Illness, death, divorce, heart ache, people losing their jobs and homes... I mean, really, when you think about it, losing some weight should be the easiest thing I've ever had to do in the grand scheme of my life."
She stared blankly at me for a moment and then a smile creeped across her face. "Huh," she said. "Ya know what? I think you're right."
Now this is not to say that I think this weight loss journey will be easy. It's going to be a lot of work. But it certainly won't be as hard as the emotional journey that brought me here... not nearly, not ever, not even close.
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