I have been struggling with friends and men that I've been dating with the concept of a "tentative plan." Yes, tentative plans are not solid plans, but they are STILL plans. So when someone says to you, "Yeah, let's do something this weekend," or "I'd love to do that, I'll let you know." Why is it acceptable for them to NOT tell you? Just because they didn't say, "yes, I'll be there a 100%?" No, you're reserving that time, RSVP mother fucker!
A couple of years ago, a very passive aggressive fight started between me and one of my best friends over a concert in Central Park. He said he wanted to go and would let me know. The day of, I still hadn't heard from him. I called and let him know that I didn't appreciate him blowing me off. His argument was that he hadn't said that he was definitely coming. Mine was that he partially committed to it, and was going to let me know and didn't, and that I'm not a fucking mind reader. Make a phone call, please.
I think what people don't understand is that tentative plans are STILL plans, whether you do them or not. When you tell me that you might be able to hang out one day and will get back to me, I hold that time as possibly reserved. That means that I will make other tentative plans at that same time... meaning that it's a domino effect of people effected by it.
The people that get me - get me. My time is extremely regimented, scheduled, and very important to me. If you're not in my calendar, I'm not seeing you. When I spend time with you, you're important to me - because I made time for you. I don't like last minute plans, I'm too busy for that - not that I don't have my moments, but for the most part, I have a full calendar. I even schedule phone calls and time to talk to people! I'm busy and I like to know where my time is being spent, so that I can plan for free time or start projects. I'm not waiting at home for you to figure it out.
I find this to be the case more and more with men that I date. I hear a lot of, "yeah, let's get together this weekend... or this day." Come the weekend or that day, I haven't heard from them and they tend to be surprised when I'm busy when they finally decide to commit at the last minute. The same thing goes with phone calls. If you tell me you're going to call me, I'm going to make time for you. But when you don't, because you're having a crummy day or whatever the hell is going on with you, I'm pissed and I don't care what your problem is anymore because you waisted my time.
The fact is, it only takes a moment to tell someone something these days. A text, an email, a facebook message, a quick call... is that too much to ask? It takes you 5 seconds. If you tell me you can't make it, I understand. If you tell me your having a crummy day and don't want to do whatever, I understand. What I don't understand is why you don't have enough respect for me to tell me. When did everyone get so fucking lazy and inconsiderate??
wasted* my time
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